PAIR BONDING IN HUMAN MATING, the way to a lasting marriage.
Philip G Ney MD FRCP(C) Pioneer Publishing. 4/2/10 revised 11/7/16
INTRODUCTION
Like Ravens, Geese, Wolves, humans mate for life. There are 12 mechanisms that bond them for good or ill. Much as they might like to, a couple cannot ignore these instinctual and subconscious processes. Much more than people realize these 12 will dictate their future happiness or misery when married.
This spring, as usual, the ravens are courting. They fly intricate patterns while tenderly calling each other. Taking a break in a tall fir, they carry on a complex conversation with sounds not heard at other times of the year. Yes, they mated for life years ago, but every spring he still courts his wife. Humans could well follow their example
Humans think they are above primitive animal rituals and can choose to mate with whomever they wish, when they wish. Not so. As the Creator made life long pair bonds for creatures we consider wise or smart, so He did for His beloved bipeds. When those creatures ignore those powerful, instinctual features that He made for the couples and their own good, they invite disaster.
The statistics are clear, the more “premarital” sex, the more extramarital sex. Most young men think it is okay to tell a girl he loves her in order to gain her agreement to have sex. The same men know that if they want a faithful wife they should marry a virgin. This is only one way pair bonding is implicitly recognized and used for the wrong purposes.
FIFTEEN AUTOMATIC MECHANISMS FOR HUMAN MATING
- Thralldom or Falling in Love, “I’ll never forget her”
- Imprinting, “Something magical happened”
- Conditioned to the behaviour “I can’t stop doing it”
- Conditioned to the person “I keep going back to him”
- Hormone Exchange “They are beginning to look and think alike”
- Immune imprint “She’s right in my system”
- Rescue bonding He saved my life and sanity”
- Foxhole bonding “I thought we were going to die”
- Shared experience raining a family and as a working pair. “Don’t you remember when?”
- Tragic reenactment coupling “I keep thinking this one is different and then, history repeats itself….”
- Need meeting “Thanks to her, I feel content and I am maturing”
- Spiritual Siblings “If nothing else, I know she is my spiritual sister.”
- Pair bonding during pregnancy, “He really looked after me for all 9 months”
- Pair bonding at birth by both bonding to the infant. “He is alive and well. Together let us thank God”.
- Raising children and grandchildren. “Nothing brought us together like this”
GOD’S GREAT GARDEN.
God as Creator wished to have an almost limitless garden with an almost limitless variety of flowers. Being infinite, He had an infinite capacity to appreciate form and color. He started on a small plot called earth and anticipated they would spread throughout His immense universe. He provided good growing conditions, but wanted them to be hardy plants so they could endure some of the hasher conditions of other planets.
God made humans a little lower than God (Elohim) and crowned them with glory and honor. (Psalm 8:5) He put them in charge of his new world and instructed them to be careful to follow all His instructions. Yet most of all He wanted them to choose to be His friends. To become His chosen friends, He had to give them a free choice. A choice to know Him as friend for life or be a slave of someone else who would bring them unceasing, fruitless labor and death. They made the wrong choice, gained the “knowledge of good and evil” and began to die. The species was on the brink of self destruction.
God is not mocked. His purposes always prevail. He would not let humanity die out, even when they repeatedly become self defeating. God could not trust human wisdom, knowledge or reason to guide them in preserving the species. Therefore He planted the roots of their survival into self and species preserving instincts that would prevail thru every human engineered disaster and tragedy.
Gods most wonderful and most beautiful of all human instincts was to have and nurture their young. The best chance the little ones had lay in a united father and mother. Thus He would unite a man and His mate in a bond that would last their entire lives. That bonding would occur for all races, under circumstance He chose whether or not they promised to be faithful to each other, regardless of any social or religious ceremony, whenever they had intercourse. To heighten that bond, God also build into humans, ancillary mechanisms to ensure this most important basis for all human relationships. Each instinctual process works in harmony with the others to create an indissolvable bond, the basis for a loving family, IF the couple will acknowledge them and govern their uniting accordingly there will be lasting joy and fulfillment. When all these bonding mechanisms are allowed to develop in the right sequence, under the best conditions they result in a God ordained marriage that no man or demon can take apart. Matthew (19:6)
Humans cannot nullify a God made union with a divorce or annulment. They should not even try. God made marriages last until “death do them part”. When death makes a marriage null and void the surviving partner is free to marry another. If he or she marries someone for whatever reason after becoming one flesh with a person during heterosexual intercourse when they exchange hormones, it is polygamy or polyandry. When this happens repeatedly, the sociologists call in serial polygamy.
Studies show that those who engage in “premarital sex” are more likely to have “extramarital affairs”. Men who boast about how many women they have deflowered are careful to wed a virgin. Young people must be taught these uncomfortable facts. Sex is never just recreation. It is always, automatically bonding. So it is always very serious and should be kept for one person. Putting the above 15 mechanisms in place with one person is the best way to ensure the survival of a marriage and family.
PAIR BONDING IN HUMAN MATING, the way to a lasting marriage.
Philip G Ney MD FRCP(C) Pioneer Publishing. 4/2/10 revised 11/7/16
INTRODUCTION
Like Ravens, Geese, Wolves, humans mate for life. There are 12 mechanisms that bond them for good or ill. Much as they might like to, a couple cannot ignore these instinctual and subconscious processes. Much more than people realize these 12 will dictate their future happiness or misery when married.
This spring, as usual, the ravens are courting. They fly intricate patterns while tenderly calling each other. Taking a break in a tall fir, they carry on a complex conversation with sounds not heard at other times of the year. Yes, they mated for life years ago, but every spring he still courts his wife. Humans could well follow their example
Humans think they are above primitive animal rituals and can choose to mate with whomever they wish, when they wish. Not so. As the Creator made life long pair bonds for creatures we consider wise or smart, so He did for His beloved bipeds. When those creatures ignore those powerful, instinctual features that He made for the couples and their own good, they invite disaster.
The statistics are clear, the more “premarital” sex, the more extramarital sex. Most young men think it is okay to tell a girl he loves her in order to gain her agreement to have sex. The same men know that if they want a faithful wife they should marry a virgin. This is only one way pair bonding is implicitly recognized and used for the wrong purposes.
FIFTEEN AUTOMATIC MECHANISMS FOR HUMAN MATING
- Thralldom or Falling in Love, “I’ll never forget her”
- Imprinting, “Something magical happened”
- Conditioned to the behaviour “I can’t stop doing it”
- Conditioned to the person “I keep going back to him”
- Hormone Exchange “They are beginning to look and think alike”
- Immune imprint “She’s right in my system”
- Rescue bonding He saved my life and sanity”
- Foxhole bonding “I thought we were going to die”
- Shared experience raining a family and as a working pair. “Don’t you remember when?”
- Tragic reenactment coupling “I keep thinking this one is different and then, history repeats itself….”
- Need meeting “Thanks to her, I feel content and I am maturing”
- Spiritual Siblings “If nothing else, I know she is my spiritual sister.”
- Pair bonding during pregnancy, “He really looked after me for all 9 months”
- Pair bonding at birth by both bonding to the infant. “He is alive and well. Together let us thank God”.
- Raising children and grandchildren. “Nothing brought us together like this”
GOD’S GREAT GARDEN.
God as Creator wished to have an almost limitless garden with an almost limitless variety of flowers. Being infinite, He had an infinite capacity to appreciate form and color. He started on a small plot called earth and anticipated they would spread throughout His immense universe. He provided good growing conditions, but wanted them to be hardy plants so they could endure some of the hasher conditions of other planets.
God made humans a little lower than God (Elohim) and crowned them with glory and honor. (Psalm 8:5) He put them in charge of his new world and instructed them to be careful to follow all His instructions. Yet most of all He wanted them to choose to be His friends. To become His chosen friends, He had to give them a free choice. A choice to know Him as friend for life or be a slave of someone else who would bring them unceasing, fruitless labor and death. They made the wrong choice, gained the “knowledge of good and evil” and began to die. The species was on the brink of self destruction.
God is not mocked. His purposes always prevail. He would not let humanity die out, even when they repeatedly become self defeating. God could not trust human wisdom, knowledge or reason to guide them in preserving the species. Therefore He planted the roots of their survival into self and species preserving instincts that would prevail thru every human engineered disaster and tragedy.
Gods most wonderful and most beautiful of all human instincts was to have and nurture their young. The best chance the little ones had lay in a united father and mother. Thus He would unite a man and His mate in a bond that would last their entire lives. That bonding would occur for all races, under circumstance He chose whether or not they promised to be faithful to each other, regardless of any social or religious ceremony, whenever they had intercourse. To heighten that bond, God also build into humans, ancillary mechanisms to ensure this most important basis for all human relationships. Each instinctual process works in harmony with the others to create an indissolvable bond, the basis for a loving family, IF the couple will acknowledge them and govern their uniting accordingly there will be lasting joy and fulfillment. When all these bonding mechanisms are allowed to develop in the right sequence, under the best conditions they result in a God ordained marriage that no man or demon can take apart. Matthew (19:6)
Humans cannot nullify a God made union with a divorce or annulment. They should not even try. God made marriages last until “death do them part”. When death makes a marriage null and void the surviving partner is free to marry another. If he or she marries someone for whatever reason after becoming one flesh with a person during heterosexual intercourse when they exchange hormones, it is polygamy or polyandry. When this happens repeatedly, the sociologists call in serial polygamy.
Studies show that those who engage in “premarital sex” are more likely to have “extramarital affairs”. Men who boast about how many women they have deflowered are careful to wed a virgin. Young people must be taught these uncomfortable facts. Sex is never just recreation. It is always, automatically bonding. So it is always very serious and should be kept for one person. Putting the above 15 mechanisms in place with one person is the best way to ensure the survival of a marriage and family.