My Story

Posted by on Aug 26, 2006 in Clinical Examples

As you recall when you came to Kenya in 2003, I had left my place of work at Family Life Counseling Association of Kenya (FLCAK). At the time I was pursuing my Masters degree in Rural Sociology and Community Development at the University of Nairobi. However I had to drop out of college because of lack of funds.

At the time we had four children (my brother’s daughter whom we adopted after the mother passed on, my two sons and daughter). At the time my husband’s business was doing badly, we were broke, we had children who not only needed food but they needed to be paid for school fees and be clothed, electricity and water bills that needed to be taken care of. The only good thing at the moment was that we were staying in our own house and house rent was not an issue. With all the above I started looking for a job. When I discovered I was expectant I was devastated, this meant that my chances of getting a job were nil, I panicked and I thought my whole world had fallen a part.

I hated myself because then I thought, at 38 years, how I could be pregnant? I already had four children who were enough if not more than enough, I felt like I had let my family down and especially my children, I avoided friends and all I did was to lock my self in the house and cry. My husband was there for me and he tried to console me but this made matters worse, I detested him and I felt like he was partly to blame for what was happening.

For all the years that I have lived I have never really understood how a woman will ever think of killing her own unborn child through abortion. Any time I had stories of abortions I always thought these women were inhuman and insane but for the first time in my life I “understood”.

My pregnancy was a difficult one, most of the times I was nauseated, any food I ate I vomited, I guess this was contributed by the stress I was going through. I had My Daily Bible, a book I was given by David when the HA group came to Kenya, I used to read this bible but when I got pregnant I stopped all together.All I thought was that God did not care; I stopped going to church and worst of all I stopped praying.

All this time thoughts of aborting my child did not cross my mind but I kept telling myself, I wish I was not pro-life, probably I could have followed the same route and get rid of the baby. Being pro-life was a big hindrance, if I could have a natural miscarriage I would praise God; because then I would take no blame. I hated myself for being pro-life and I wished nobody had ever told me about caring for the unborn child and worst of all I hated all the campaigns I ever made to save the unborn child. I WISHED I KNEW NOTHING.

One night as I lay on my bed the Hope Alive group came into my mind. Then vividly in my mind I pictured Philip, standing and addressing the group. We were in Uganda. The message that came was loud and clear. He was talking about Margaret Sanger and her claims that ”the right of every child was to be wanted”. Then right there it hit me; it is like I woke up from a bad dream, I asked myself what right did I have to question the existence of the baby in my womb, I prayed to God and all I asked was forgiveness, I also asked God to protect my unborn baby.

I was now five months pregnant, each time I thought about my previous negative thoughts I prayed more to God because I feared that something bad was going to happen to my baby. This was probably because I had wished so. I prayed to God not only to protect me and my unborn child but also all women pregnant and who had the same negative attitude has I had.

I gave birth on 30th July, 2004. My baby boy is now two years old, everybody in the family adores him. Each day I look at him, I thank God, but I also know the Almighty God wanted me to understand something. That for me to help those who have suffered through childhood abuse and abortion I had to have the test.


What I have realized through my challenges:


  • I realized I cannot help those who have suffered unless I understand what it means to suffer.
  • There are many who are in darkness and they have challenges such as the ones I faced above, unless we work with vigor and fast, we will loose many unborn children, we also need to move fast and help men and women who need us.
  • The unwanted children are many and they are being born everyday. The work a head cannot be underestimated. The cycle of abuse is getting wider and wider each day. Each second counts and the less we do the more we loose.
  • Being pro-life for me is one thing, but your coming to Kenya was of significance than you can never imagine. The trials I have gone through explain a lot as far as I am concern.